You know this woman’s character-can she hang? In many relationships, it goes without saying that your attraction to others is not a reflection or a result of your partner, but depending on that person’s security and experience with nonmonogamy, this may be a point worth underlining. I wouldn’t fault you for treading lightly, but if being extra careful is getting in the way of you living your life and sharing it in full with your spouse, it’s in your best interest to let go and hope for the best. Homophobia is so rampant and insidious that it’s reasonable to fear your wife’s reaction to such a revelation about your sexuality, though it is unclear in your letter whether she has said or done anything to warrant such suspicion or if you’re just being extra careful. In a perfect world, your wife would accept your attraction to men as she does to other women (assuming that, in fact, you do have said attraction and she does accept it) but as we know, our world is teeming with rationale rooted in fallacy and assumption. In this case, that might require a bit of educating (Yes, wifey, there is bisexuality in men!). I’m always a big believer in the straightforward route.
